


fallen so young

by silvermalec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Lots of Soft, M/M, Reunion, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 16:13:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16977825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermalec/pseuds/silvermalec
Summary: Alec loosened under Magnus' touch, for a moment feeling as though the whole world was falling away around them.''Magnus-'' he whispered pulling back, his voice unsure and jittery. ''Magnus, you're drunk.''





	fallen so young

 

What Alec realised the 31st of December was that ducking and hiding behind his much shorter sister proved to have quite a minimal effect. The glittery party hat and the alcohol in his system that had made him lightheaded for nearly an hour now didn't seem to be making it any easier.

Normally he'd have spent his New Years Eve at home celebrating with his family, but this year Izzy had managed to drag him along to her girlfriend's party. Alec hadn't met Clary yet, even though his sister had been gushing about her for a good few months now. He probably never would've let Izzy take him to this party, but much to her and eventually his surprise, he'd agreed to it. What better way to get to know your sister's new girlfriend than getting drunk at her New Year's party? He might not have even regretted it, hadn't it been for the situation that he found himself in right now.

''Don't fucking **_move,_** '' he warned Isabelle as he stubbornly tried to hide behind her again. ''My god, why do I have to be so fucking tall?'' he muttered under his breath and as multiple other curses followed, an incredibly confused Izzy tried to navigate them to the kitchen without Alec's head peaking out above her shoulders.

''Who exactly are you trying to avoid?'' she asked with a chuckle, prying the cup of alcohol from her brother's hands and setting it down on the counter next to them.

''Look around the corner and you'll know exactly who,'' Alec responded, desperately trying to get Izzy to turn away from him so she wouldn't be able to see the tears forming in his eyes. Not in a million years had Alec expected to see him again, not here and not tonight, not ever.

When she turned her head to Alec again, Izzy could immediately see it in his eyes: the hurt, the regret..

''Alec, if I'd know he'd be here...,'' she started, letting out a pained sigh when she saw the tears rimming her brother's eyes.

''You would've told me, I know,'' he replied. ''I just- it's been so long? I always meant to call him, but-''

''I know, big brother, you told me what happened,'' Izzy reminded him, looking back through the kitchen door. ''If you need a little break you could go up to the roof for a moment? I'm sure Clary wouldn't mind.''

Alec nodded appreciatingly at her. ''Yeah, I think that might be good. Get some fresh air and all that.''

''Be careful though, I don't want you falling off of buildings with that alcohol in your system.'' Alec chuckled at her, shaking his head.

''I'll be fine, Iz. It's already wearing off.''

''Whatever you say. I'll check up on you in a moment, okay?'' she assured him, lifting a hand to caress his cheek for a moment. He nodded at her again and with that she'd left the kitchen and Alec stood out looking out at the fire escape.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec had been sitting here for a while now, alone with his thoughts and all the memories that had come flooding back: memories happy, as well as sad. He had enough of them, but he never thought that they'd resurface today of all days and here of all places. He reckoned that today just wasn't the day and this wasn't the place that he'd expected to see Magnus Bane.

Alec and Magnus' story was a complicated one: they'd met when they were seven years old and Magnus moved in across the street of Alec's childhood home. It had started with shy smiles and hesitant waves, but eventually bloomed into what would be a beautiful friendship. They'd been with each other all through middle and high school, all the way up until college. Despite Magnus having come out to Alec as bisexual when they were 17, Alec had been too scared at the time to admit to anyone that he was gay, and most of all he'd been too scared to admit to himself how he really felt about his best friend.

Alec had been insecure about it for a long while, but by the time he'd realised who he was and he'd been ready to tell the people around him, him and Magnus had both already went off to college. Magnus had been in a couple relationships and he'd looked happy, so eventually Alec tried to move on. He'd been in relationships after that, but it had never felt like enough.

Now he was 28 years old and the last time he'd seen Magnus was at their graduation when they were both 24. After that they'd definitively gone their seperate ways and Alec hadn't seen him again. Until now.

''Alexander?'' Alec turned around at the sound of a voice calling his name and was met with a familiar pair of dark brown eyes that immediately sent a set of butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Alec looked up at him for a second, taking him in.

''Hey.'' He didn't know what else to say and blushed a little when he heard Magnus chuckle at him. Alec knew that Magnus could tell he was nervous. Magnus knew him too well not to notice the way he was playing with his fingers and how the pace of his breathing had fastened just the littlest bit.

''Your sister sent me up here.''

''Of course she did.'' They laughed briefly, Alec glancing up at Magnus again as his cheeks reddened. He thought that meeting Magnus again after so many years was going to be pure torture: he thought that it'd be awkward, unfamiliar.

''Why..,'' Alec began. ''Why are you here?'' He noticed how safe he felt here, despite being on a rooftop in New York on New Year's Eve with someone he'd been trying to avoid for nearly half a decade.

''I'll tell you once you stop dangling your feet over that ledge,'' Magnus laughed at him, offering his hand for Alec to take. Alec looked at it hesitantly.

''I don't bite, Alexander.'' Alec chuckled at him and took his hand with a small smile, noticing the familiar and always lingering safety and comfort that Alec had somehow never not felt around Magnus.

Magnus helped him to the ground and cleared his throat, gesturing to the bench a couple feet away from them. ''You wanna sit down?''

''Sure.''

They sat down next to each other, a comfortable silence surrounding them. You could hear the occasional fireworks in the distance now that it was nearing midnight and you could notice the soft buzz of the city that was always present. Alec felt more at peace than he had in a while, which in a way was extremely confusing. Then again, could he have expected anything else now that Magnus was sitting next to him again?

''I'm sorry,'' Alec started, glancing up at Magnus and quickly looking away when their eyes met.

''Alec, it's alright.'' Alec shook his head, more than aware of the fact that he'd royally fucked up. He didn't even need to hear Magnus call him by his name in **_that_** way to know that.

''It's not alright, Magnus. There's no excuse for the way that I left things.''

''I did miss you a lot.'' Magnus looked up at him through his lashes. ''Admittedly our last couple years together weren't the same, but I never found anyone that I could talk to the way I could with you.'' Alec looked up at Magnus for the first time in a couple of minutes, feeling a ping in his heart at the expression on his face. Magnus' eyes were open and honest: they always had been.

''We did have good talks, didn't we?'' Alec continued with a sad chuckle. ''Remember when you came back from Indonesia when we were 17?''

''Yes! We hadn't seen each other in six whole weeks. The day I came back we spent the entire night talking in your garden,'' Magnus smiled at Alec, long forgotten memories flooding back.

''I'd missed you so much,'' Alec eventually spoke up again. ''My family went nuts with how much I talked about the day you'd come back.''

''It was the night I came out to you,'' he reminded Alec with a reminiscent smile. Alec returned it nervously.

''I was really envious of you to be brutally honest. Of how sure you were, how certain.'' Magnus tilted his head at him, confusion written all over his face.

''I'm gay.'' Alec noticed the way Magnus' lips parted.

''Oh.''

''I know I should've told you then, but I wasn't ready. I'd never been more confused and the- the shame, that I'd put on myself-''

''Alexander, there's nothing to be ashamed of.'' Alec looked up at him quickly, waving his hands around.

''I know that now, don't worry,'' he let out with a chuckle. ''But my parents at the time... I just couldn't do it.''

''Right. Maryse never really was the soft hearted type, huh?''

'' ** _Well_**...''

''Wait, what?''

''She actually introduced Izzy to Clary.'' Magnus looked at him with squinted eyes. ''With the intention of getting them together, yes.''

''That's... unexpected?'' Magnus tried.

''She changed a lot,'' Alec explained. ''I don't know when it happened, but we're good now. Really good.''

''I'm really glad to hear that, Alexander,'' Magnus told him, reaching out to put his hand on top of Alec's.

''So..,'' Alec spoke up, clearing his throat. ''Whatever happened to you after graduation?''

Magnus had always been a huge science nerd: as long as Alec had known him, Magnus had been reading up on everything astronomy, physics, chemistry and biology. He majored in biomolecular science at NYU and graduated with flying colours. Alec had always been incredibly proud of him for that, following his dreams and doing what he loved to do.

''I always concentrated in biotechnology so I started working in developing antibiotics and vaccines. I'm stuck in a laboratory most of the day, but I love it more than anything.''

Alec smiled at him, taking in the way his eyes glimmered when he talked about something that made him happy. He waited for Magnus to look back at him, hoping that the same look would be present in his eyes as they looked at his own.

''Why are you looking at me like that?'' Magnus chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

''Nothing,'' Alec murmered, gaze falling to his feet and a blush rising to his cheeks.

Magnus let out a puff of air, placing his finger under Alec's chin and lifting his head so their gazes met. ''Your turn.'' A breath caught in Alec's throat and he swallowed hard before he felt like he could answer.

''W-what?'' Magnus laughed and dropped his hand down to his lap. Alec's skin tingled as the soft touch of Magnus' fingers still lingered.

''What have you been up to?''

''Oh, right,'' Alec breathed out with a nervous chuckle. ''I uh- I'm a writer, I guess?''

''You guess?''

''After I got my degree I started teaching. I always wanted to be a writer, which you already kinda know,'' Alec laughed out. ''But I needed a way to support myself so I started teaching English at our old high school as a means to support myself.''

''But you never gave up on writing?'' Alec tilted his head, a reminiscent smile tugging at his lips.

''I didn't. There's this one story that I started writing when I was a teenager. I came back to it a couple of years ago, wrote a book out of it and when I decided to get it published my writing career suddenly lifted off the ground. I still teach from time to time, but nowadays I mostly write.''

''So how come I haven't seen your books in store then?'' Magnus asked playfully.

''I wrote it under a pseudonym,'' he answered, lifting his shoulders. That book had essentially contained his entire life story. Although he'd written it as fiction and he'd tweaked it here and there, he'd written down everything that he'd been through in all those years. Including losing Magnus.

''What pseudonym might that be?''

''Gideon.'' Magnus jaw dropped to the floor.

''You- **_you're_ **Gideon?''

''Would it be too bold of me to assume that you've read one of my books?'' Alec laughed out, butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the thought of Magnus having read his writing.

''Have I- have I read one of your books? Alec, I've read nearly every single one of them.'' Alec looked back at him, eyes wide.

''Which one was your favourite?'' he questioned, heart beating faster. If he'd read all of them that meant-

''A heart for every fate.'' He'd said it without any hesitation, as if there hadn't been a doubt in his mind. Alec's heart felt like it'd stopped beating.

''Oh.'' Magnus looked at him questioningly.

''Alexander, that book is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever read,'' he spoke, lifting a hand to rest on Alec's shoulder. ''The emotions that you were able to weave through that story.. it left me speechless.''

''Yeah I uh- I guess I've had my fair share of heartbreak to work off of,'' Alec murmered. He noticed that way that Magnus had softly started drawing circles into his shoulders.

''So did you have- y'know.. after-''

''I mean yeah, a couple of people here and there, but no one ever really.. I don't know.''

What he'd wanted to say was that no relationship he'd had after losing Magnus had ever truly felt right. It was always a confusing thing to think about because when they were still in college Alec had never felt like that. Sure, none of his relationships had actually worked out in the end, but he'd been really happy when he still thought that they would. Perhaps it was because he'd been young and optimistic, or perhaps it was because in a way Magnus had still been by his side the entire time.

Sitting next to Magnus again after four years of being apart, Alec realised that it was the latter.

''So what about you then?'' Alec asked, dissapointed when he felt Magnus' hand slipping from his shoulder.

''Are you asking me about my exes, Alexander?'' Alec's eyes widened.

''I- I mean, you just- you asked so I-'' Magnus laughed at him, shaking his head.

I'm just messing with you, dear. I actually only recently got out of a relationship that I realised wasn't working out,'' Magnus explained, a pained expression on his face. ''It was after I read your book to be precise.''

''Wait, what?''

''What?''

''You broke up with someone after you read my book?'' Alec asked again, knowing all too well that Magnus had understood what he'd meant the first time. ''Why would you?''

Magnus shrugged his shoulders. ''I realised I was hung up on someone else. It wasn't fair to her, to either of us, so I ended it.''

''Do you- know? Whether that person had feelings for you?''

''I think he did. I just hope he still does,'' Magnus responded, eyes focused on Alec and Alec alone.

''I wouldn't be surprised if he does.'' Alec could feel his heart beating in his ears, nearly missing the little flicker of hope that flashed in Magnus' eyes.

When Magnus turned his head away from him and his gaze dropped to his lap, Alec wasn't surprised. He'd probably misread the entire situation and otherwise, he still remembered how Magnus had never really been confrontational with his feelings. Alec hadn't been for most of his life either, but you would be surprised by how much a person could change in four years. He was ready to lift his hand to intertwine their fingers when Magnus' soft voice broke the silence between them again. Alec dropped his hand.

''You know, you never did tell me about your writing when we were younger.''

''I guess it was always just kind of something that I kept for myself,'' Alec responded with a shrug of his shoulders. ''Plus, I really didn't think that anyone would even want to read it.''

''So not even your best friend, huh?'' Magnus clutched his heart comically and smiled when he heard Alec's soft giggles.

''You were an exception.''

''How so?'' Magnus inquired. Alec shrugged his shoulders, a blush rising to his cheeks.

''Hey now,'' Magnus laughed out. ''You just made me curious.''

Alec looked up at Magnus as their eyes met, a reminiscent smile tugging at the corners of his lips. It really had only started out as Alec not wanting to forget the moments that they'd shared, the moments that now made him smile and laugh out loud as he read them back. The moments that made him emotional just as much, as he was faced with what he'd lost. Sitting next to Magnus again at this point in time however, the void in his chest that had always been there suddenly wasn't there anymore at all.

''I wrote about you,'' Alec said finally. Magnus fell silent after that, looking at Alec with a frown on his face.

''Did you write your book about me?'' Alec froze.

''Alec...'' Alec's gaze stayed stubbornly glued to the ground.

'' ** _Alexander_**...''

''You know that if I tell you that you'll be completely aware of everything- of everything that I've ever felt for you. Right?'' Alec huffed out, his voice starting to tremble. ''And I don't- I don't want to lose you now that I've just gotten you back and I don't want to ruin whatever it is that we-''

Before Alec could even process anything that was going on, Magnus' lips were pressing softly against his own and his hands were resting on the sides of his face. Alec loosened under Magnus' touch, for a moment feeling as though the whole world was falling away around them.

'' ** _Magnus_** -'' he whispered pulling back, his voice unsure and jittery. ''Magnus, you're drunk.'' Magnus chuckled against Alec's lips, shaking his head.

''I haven't had a sip to drink, Alexander.''

''You- you what?''

''I'm not drunk.''

''But you kissed me.''

''I know,'' Magnus laughed. ''But we've been having a perfectly normal conversation for the past hour now so I'm just concerned at how you think alcohol even works.'' Alec chuckled too, dropping his head and letting it rest against Magnus' shoulder.

''I liked that,'' Alec whispered, nearly too soft for Magnus to even catch any of it.

''I was worried for a second that you didn't,'' he whispered back.

Alec looked up at him with a chuckle. ''I wrote an entire book about you.''

''Yeah, but still..''

''But what?'' Alec asked playfully. ''You knew exactly what you were asking me with that question.

''Perhaps I did,'' Magnus replied. He looked at Alec for another second before completely turning to him. ''You know I'm all into parties, but... what do you say we get out of here?''

Alec smiled back at him, eyes filled with nothing short of awe. ''Yes.''

 

* * *

 

 

 


End file.
